Laws of Life

1. First Law of Living:
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

2. Miller's Law of Insurance:
Insurance covers everything except what happens.

3. Weiner's Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross-references.

4. Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone

5. Bell's Theorem:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

6. Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness:
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.


7. Lorenz's Law Of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.


8. Zadra's Law Of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


9. Murphy's First Law for Wives:
If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.


10. Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation:
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.


11. Howard's Salary Axiom:
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.


12. Lampner's Law of Employment:
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.


13. Newtons's Law of Motion:
Bodies in motion tend to remain in motion. Bodies at rest tend to remain in bed.


14. Epstein's Axiom:
With extremely few exceptions, nothing is worth the trouble


15. Hobson's Homily:
Common sense is the least common of all the senses.