After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, & then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by QANTAS' pilots & the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, QANTAS is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
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(P= the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= the solution and action taken by mechanics.)
***********************************************************
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
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P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
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P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
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P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
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P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
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P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
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P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
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P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
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P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
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P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
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P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
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P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be serious.
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P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
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P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Ref: from an email
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by QANTAS' pilots & the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, QANTAS is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
---------------------------------------
(P= the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= the solution and action taken by mechanics.)
***********************************************************
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
----------------------------------------
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
----------------------------------------
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
---------------------------------------
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
----------------------------------------
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
----------------------------------------
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
---------------------------------------
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
----------------------------------------
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
----------------------------------------
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
----------------------------------------
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
----------------------------------------
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
----------------------------------------
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be serious.
---------------------------------------
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
----------------------------------------
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Ref: from an email
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4 comments:
hahaha! and that's why i'm a frequent flyer member with them :)
You should not joke around with safety, it is an important issue and people should take it seriously. I am disgusted with this futile blog!
woo Ton Ton.. I LIKE IT! one of your best posts eeever! (should you be happy or sad) Now THIS is DEEP! el rancho version of deep. The chuck norris post isn't shallow either.
deep deep deep deep deep deep. writing deep so many times can actually make you forget what it means.
Now that I remember, I think that maybe the midgets that were in the last problem may have escaped from an MRI machine - they sound like there are midgets with hammers banging away inside them... little buggers!
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