So I was chatting with a friend the other day and he brought up the question "How much should one spend on an engagement ring?" Thought about it? Ever? So how much?
Not only was I floored at the question from a friend who hasn't been 'obviously' dating anyone recently but I didn't think it mattered so much to ask the question. Isn't it funny... how our culture nurtures materialistic expectations. Call me old fashioned but I've always bought into the idea that you love some one or your don't. You know or your don't. Committed relationship or not. Correct me if I'm wrong... and I'm sure that those who disagree will. I didn't think you could put a norm price on tokens of love. I mean Pocahontas was happy with a piece of string, Maid Marion was content with no ring and secret marriage to Robin Hood in the woods by a fat friar by the midnight moon and Nicole in Cold Mountain was stoked with "I marry you" x 3. I didn't hear any girls complaining at that lack of romance in the form of 'bling' there. To the contrary! However in all these circumstances, the fellas gave what they could to their loved ones. It was the sacrifice of self that meant the most - not the gift.
In the day to day little things, we can all selflessly serve each other. It might come in the form of a girl washing her guy friends car or the guys opening doors out of habit of respect for a sister rather than expectation. I reckon you don't have to be 'dating' to respect each other and shamelessly show it.
Excuse my late night rant but when Jesus was coming to his final days and had little energy for anything else he washed His mates feet. Selfless! "Let's bring it back to worship" and maybe the price of a ring doesn't represent love - actions do! Friendship love or relationship love, we all should be saving up the goods towards developing the most attractive quality -the character that pursues holiness? What do you think? I'm preaching to myself here too!
So I'm getting off my soap box and a big congrats to Ben & Elly, Dom & Tracy, and Simon & Fi - I love you guys and... How you show you're love to each other is inspiring! Well done and bless ya soon to be married socks off!
Let the comments begin...
Posts
18 comments:
I agree with you there Kimmo...being the lover of chick flicks I am guilty of falling for just the 'love' part without anything else. But that said, we live in a world where it's all about the bling & the one day wedding & everything else materialistic...& to be honest if a guy said 'i didn't buy her a ring, coz all that matters is our love', i reckon there would be boo's & hisses from all corners! Just because it's expected & that's the way this society works. If only we actually lived counter culturally?!?! Do we really have the guts to do it?
i am amazed how sometimes the guys to have to wait before proposed to his girl just because he's saving money for the ring... i find that a little bit ridiculous. but I am sure everyone is not agree with me and that's cool. (this comes from some couple i know...)
Well OK- lets give a guys perspective!
I reckon every guys opinion on this matter is different, and each different guy would have a very different way of expressing his love and devoted committment for his life time partner. This subject came up recently in a group I was hanging around a few weeks ago; I gave my figure for how much should be spent & was beaten down in flames by one particular male for my finacial figure being way too low.
Tradition states that the male should spend 2-3 months of wages on a engagement ring. My opinion is that times have changes, although the male should be financially stretched to be able to buy a ring for chosen female (saving required). You should actually show the female what your made of, are you prepared to go the distance to capture the fair princess.
Also I do agree with the previous bloggers that the male should show his love with other ways other than buying a ring.
i took my savings for my wifes engagement ring, and, based on a good tip, bought some very dodgy romanian gold shares. the shares doubled in value in 5 weeks, and then i could afford the ring i wanted, handmade and custom designed by linneys. without a bit of a gamble on the sharemarket i would have been visiting Sheils jewellers where they have great deals and no hoo-ha!
one of the most impressive rings i have seen in a long time was bought by my friend using the proceeds of a bet on last years melbourne cup.
the moral is beg, borrow, invest, gamble, but a good ring is worth its wieght in gold because it makes her feel worthy and you get talked up at every party as a rockin husband/fiance.
btw, all that said, the diamond does not need to be big, nor the ring hand made, it just has to be what the couple wants.
i designed our ring, and that meant more to her than what it actually was made of. i also proposed in the most romantic place i could find, on the shores of an alpine lake in NZ after a day of absolutely spoiling her with restaurants and fast cars (ok, that was for me) - the proposal is very very important and must be done with class, not standing in the line at mcdonalds.
also not, that class does not mean money, it just means being a gentleman about it and giving it the appropriate ceremony it deserves
I'm loving what all you guys have to say!! Thanks for sharing guys & gals!! This has to be the most wordy comment section of all time!! Is that a new record Tony??
Bring on the manly wisdom - well done fellas and I particularly valued Mei Mei's comments... Congrats on your first blogging experience China girl!
Anyone else got something to say? Funny b00f hasn't gone there yet...or is that saying something?
boof would just rip the top off a can of vb and stick that on her finger wouldn't he?
heee hee Nelson... hee hee!
hmmm it is quite wordy although the 26 comments that "good night and good luck" got had a greater word count..
Ok my 2cents.. I have bought into the idea that the engagement ring has to cost you.. that it should represent the level of love or commitment u have towards the person u wanna be for the rest of ur life.. but the more I think about it the more I think - can I truly put a price on how I feel towards the one I will hopefully spend the rest of my life with? is a month’s wage or even 3 months wages truly represent how much I love her?? I don’t think so.. but it does say 'I value you' it does say I’m willing to sacrifice and stretch myself to show u how serious I am about you.. yeh I totally agree sacrifice of self doesn’t necessarily mean $$ but I think that in showing someone u love them the $$ is ONE way to say "I love you" amongst ALL the rest.. and c'mon! what girl would seriously pick a string over a DIAMOND ?????..
personally, I am not a diamond person ,so I don't get impressed when I see one. the ring has to be symbolic and can have a big value even if it doesn't worth that much money. The choice of the ring must be personal. But I guess, we are all different so some other people would say ' it's a diamond or nothing'.
Tony: which post was 'good night and good luck'? It's not on the top post list... was the hotty George included - is that why it got so many hits???
i think for me it's not about money but what it sybolises (i've found a great engagement ring and band set for $1900 - bargain and i LOVE IT).
anyways, i wear a promise ring now, which i guess could look like an engagement ring, and when i look at it i am reminded of why i wear it and who i belong to (God). Same as when it will be replaced one day with an engagement ring - when i look at it it will remind me of why i wear and and who i belong to. i will feel loved, secure, adored, precious and valued when i look at that ring because of what it means by me wearing it.
Very interesting post here Redrollover... It seems that I too had a conversation of late with some of my aquaintances re the same subject recently.
Quoting mei mei "A sacrifice should be made but this should be made with consideration to your financial viability and values as individuals and collaboratively as a couple."
The sacrifice that most blokes make (larger than any fiscal one) is to actually say they will put up for a chick for the rest of their lives. I once had a mate (who has recently departed) who although straight, said he understood why blokes went and batted for the other team, drove on the wrong side of the road, sailed the chocolate seas etc (i think u get the idea?). His "beef" was that chicks expect too much from us mortal men and that we are not the "greek gods" that we pretend to be. I know it is hard to believe but it is true.
However, my contention with said topic is that I think that people DO place too much of an emphasis on material things when it is matters of the heart that really count. God doesn't care how much you give but the attitude in which it is given (my bit of biblical truth for the month for you all).
I personally couldn't give a rats if I get a ring or not, just the fact that she said yes and wants to hang around for a bit is a bloody great big bonus! As a licensed tradesman (yes my crack is legal for all those unlicensed tradesmans' crack abusers out there) one is told at an early stage in one's apprenticeship that articles of jewelery (especially rings) are for girls and pillow biters not for real men! There is also a safety aspect with rings as you can easily get it caught on stuff and rip your finger off... where would you put your ring then hey?
My final comment for now is that I feel that some people do the "ring thing" to look cool etc and are not being financialy responsible - would you rather a ring and live on the street or have a nice house to share with some cheapskate bloke?
Boof - you still 'legally' crack me up.
Nelson - You are still the hubby of the year!
Tony - How the thought of a girl picking a string over the ring makes me laugh!Bu ha ha!
and Frenchy - I guess we'll be letting your future spouse know that you'll be expecting the string then.(Not impressed by the bling...what blasphemy!)
hey guys, it seems that the topic has inspired a lot of people here (single or not single). So great to hear what you (AUSSIE or other) people think about that cause it seems to be a WORLD matter; well, in industrial countries in particular....cause some perceptions depends on where we are coming from really.
Red, the goodnight and good luck post was by me! I may not be on El Rancho anymore, but I still hold the record for the most controversial post. Even this pathetic attempt (posting about wedding rings ... pfffft... ) can't beat me!
And don't worry, I won't tell Tony that you've been begging to join The Factor.
Bryoncé... oh was that the post where you announced your mutany? Oh yeh I'd forgotten about that. Well sunshine I have one word for ya re: said joining of inferior blog... "NEEEEEVVVVVERRRR" (say it like a dying Sith Lord for more impact!) But I still love ya!
b00f: you were the person that instigated this post - so hope you're happy - P.S. No more 'swearing off' polite invitations to include you in elrancho events - it's rude and not nice!
Swearing off? what you bloody on about RedrollOver?
I agree with Frenchy that it is only in the non 3rd world where rings etc take the place of a dowry - please note that in most cultures the dowry was paid by the parents of the bride so that the groom would look after her. Hence the old jungle saying "buy one cow get another free"...
I think that my problem with our "madonna" economy (i.e. material girl) is that many people don't know what it is like to go without! Having been a student and having to live on 1/4 of the money one is used to (and without my mummy too) and also having been to India etc I personally don't place too high a value on ones acumulations... saying that I own a house and know again what it is like to have no money (damn bankers).
Even the prodigal son found out that money can't buy you friends/love etc... a truly poor man is one who thinks it will!
Post a Comment