I think I'll call this little feature at El Rancho : Kym's "Truth or Myth Tips On Some Things Warm & Fuzzy"... your comments will count if it stays or goes... Basically this is a light hearted section of tips that may help the relationally confused. And it's ok to be confused sometimes about this stuff- I am!
OK so recently I was reminded of a concept in relationships circles called the "3 Day Rule". How funny that people resonate to titles of these little concepts. Never heard of it? Well I'd never really considered it's importance much either.
What is it?: So according to urban myths on dating the 3 Day Rule is the appropriate amount of time a girl needs in advance from a guy who wants to take her out on a date. So... not the night before, or the afternoon of (eg. a movie), but 3 days in advance. Why?
This gives the potential 'wooza'(aka. woman) enough time to book her stylist (as if!) and decide on an outfit (hee hee). But this also means the man (and we're only talking to mature males here not boys) has to be intentional, forward thinking and plan a little. If a guy does this, the girl knows he's thought about it in advance, he's intentionally asking her out (not an emotional whim of loneliness) and any guy who's done this is worth giving a shot in my book. LADIES: Give em a shot! Now asking out DOES NOT MEAN HE WANTS TO MARRY YOU or that he even likes you yet - this is what the date is for - KAPISH!?! YOU HEARING ME LADIES!! I'd repeat that if I had the strength but we'll blog more on this later...
GIRLS: It's easy to ride the emo roller-coaster of a last minute invite from the guy you might like but if it's not at least 3 days before, you may need to consider that maybe you guys are just friends or he's not ready to be intentionally in a relationship. You may be in more of a 'friendlationship'. So... go to a last minute flick/coffee if you want, but intentional guys are worth their weight in gold and a quality to be admired.
In our day and age of immediacy and constant communication (sms, email, blogs, iTunes) planning and intentional actions have been left by the way-side, if you don't have a mobile you're considered 'unreachable' and in the too hard basket. Not all things should be quick or responsive. Planning is good for the soul! Now I'm preaching to myself here - I'm a last minute-Lizzy, fly by the seat of my pants if the offers good and being intentional takes effort for me too.
So there you have it folks - the 3 day rule unplugged! It's NOT A MUST DO RULE, but it makes sense to me. Oh, the 3 day rule also applies for after the first date too. If he doesn't call you 3 days after your date he may have been lamed by a passing express train, had to move to a leper colony to answer his missionary calling or he's just not that into you as Greg Behrendt phrases it. Fellas - if you like a girl follow her up within 3 days if you know what's good for you.
NOTE: After the 2nd-3rd date the 3 day rule doesn't really apply. Fly as you would friends!
One truth in all this and bringing it back to worship: Genesis 2:18
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Let the comments begin...
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27 comments:
well considering i was the one that reminded u of this concept dr kym, im guessing u know where i stand on this one..im all for it!
on principle i wont go out with a guy unless he's given me 3days notice...& no it isnt to book my hair appointment... its purely based on the fact that i know they clearly think im worth planning ahead for. & it means they are being intentional about the date & taking the time to consider what, where, when etc. also, its about not letting a guy think that i have nothing better to do than wait around for him to call, at which time i will drop what im doing & go with it. nu uh! a guy has to put effort in to get a date with me. and to be honest, i find i get a lot more respect from guys that way. u teach guys how to treat you girls! dont let them get away with treating u anything but the best!
oh & the 3days after.. its just a given..no reason to sit next to ur phone waiting for the call for more than 3 days cos if he calls afer 3 days, you're merely an after thought on the to do list that he obviously didnt mind if he got to or not. he's not a keeper!
good post kym. i agree. 3-days, good idea. even applies when you are married too, you gotta plan ahead and be totally intentional.
but, if i can put a little flag up for sponteneity. i got married because of a spontaneous walk with a girl in the middle of the night after a rise conference. now we'd been checking each other out for a wee while prior, but had not dated or talked for more than 3 minutes or anything. but on this night nothing was planned, it just happened, and from that moment i've been tragically in love and had my socks blessed completely off because of this wonderful woman that God has brought into my life. so, sponteneity has its place and must be given a wee bit of a chance if the circumstances are such.
one other thing girls, if a guy does ask you out with 3 days notice and forms filled out in triplicate, and you can't make it, then schedule another good time when you can. i pursued someone who was into me, but a serial date-breaker and it bugged the life out of me, i gave up. she's still single. happy hunting!
3 day rule. i like it! very wise. i like what andrea said for sure - very valid points there.
i also like nelsons point on sponteneity, but i think i'd prefer that after the much thought out 3 day one first :)
great post - has got me thinking :)
The 3 day rule? who made that up? is this from a book or some literature on asking a girl out? Where do I get a copy of this rule book?....Not that i'd read it!!! neither would any other guy!!
If a guy and girl like each other, something as frivolous as a 3 day rule won't mean stuff all!!!!!!!!!!!!! and if it did, God help us!
Hey Dr Kym, Nice work on the 3 day rule article after our great chat with the girlz this morning! Sponteneity is great in some circumstances but I totally agree with the 3 day rule. It makes a girl feel special when she knows that the guy has made an effort to plan your date and obviously shows that he is maybe more than just interested in friendship.
Good work Kymmie!
i love it how it's the girls who really get into the D&R thing. so different to guys sometimes..
remember: when it comes to D&R, it's all about the balance!!
play it by ear, use your brain and have a think about what you're doing** Always a good way to play the game.
** Not permission to think so far that dates=marriage. silly christians :)
hmmm.wow. I am gonna have to had my french touch.... this '3 days rules ' is a legend to me because we don't 'date' in the same way.Actually the word 'date' doesn't mean anything to us (french people) because we always hanging out (girls/guys together) alone or in group. so if the guy is interested, he will show it straigth away in a pretty obvious way. The tendancy in france is the OBVIOUS so there is no 'if he doesn't call after three days/ he hasn't been intentional coz he didn't giving me three days notice'. But once again, it's cultural. I am just a bit perplexe because I am just starting to understand how it works here :-/ SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO differennnnnnnnnttttttttt!!!
ok, im loving the 3 day rule idea, Dr Kym ;) btw, hot glasses!...very good point Nelson made about rescheduling if you can't make the date if he calls within the three days! and kym, so true....1st date doesn't = plan your wedding!! -dating is and should be heaps of fun! - enjoy :)
My opinion is as has been stated previously; sometimes you have to be spontanious otherwise you will miss a golden opportunity to spend quality time with someone. My last couple of invitations were knocked back because certain individuals were not given enough warning; seize the moment!
On the other hand, I am certainly more than willing to put time & effort into a 'date' coz its worth it....
Nelson: I agree and can I add an "Oh wow!!!" to that order! I'm all for spontaneous moments, and strolling through the moonlight... HOT DANG you guys know how to do it! Moments like that should definately not be passed up!
Oh to all PEEPS: Can I just add... email and sms invites for a date are LAME! Safe... but very average!
yeh i'll pay that call about the sms and email invites kymbo. and im totally for the spontaneity but spontaneity is different to a date. a date is an occasion. its a planned thing. thats the fun in it. u can get excited about it and all that jazz. spontaneity is awesome and dont get me wrong, i love it, but i think they are two different things.
is this the blog of Hairy Bollocks? WHAT THE HELL! did the b00f™ just log onto lavalife.com?
HELL NO!
the b00f™ concurs this Ado, the only "3" rule that the b00f™ knows of is the "3 pint rule", if u need 3 pints to be attracted to someone maybe u should have 3 more?
the b00f™ thinks that the problem at the moment is that there are too many bloody rules that chicks make up which then leave the blokes guessing and in the end they just give up and consider taking the chocolate highway...
what's the chocolate highway??
let me add something...I have the impression that 's this all'date' thing is a bit scary for some guys over here (I have been doing some research...) because they have the impression that if they don't follow all the rules, they won't pass. So , some of them don't bother because they don't want to play the game so they look somewhere else... I think, we (girls) need to be more relaxe about it and not trying to analyze too much (I speak for myself too). If two people have an obvious connection, there is no need to analyze too much at the first place : just catch up, get to know each other and COMMUNICATE.
Ok it's seems simple but I know that in fact it's not but if we (girls) stop putting rules, it would make the thing much easier!
I am waiting to hear from you...
Good work Frenchy, spot on.... Just airing my laundry!!
Yeah I agree with you Frenchy too, sometimes there does just seem to be too many rules. I think we all need to just relax. I guess if you like someone and they like you too then you are not going to stuff around with the whole 3 day rule because you may miss out on a really exciting opportunity. I guess you just have to play it by ear when the situation arises:-)
I agree with everything the b00f™ said. except the bit about the chocolate highway! hell no. hell funny though.
i reckon that things have become a little skewed. see, i take it that kym meant the three day rule thing for like first dates and stuff, when you don't know the person that well, but you need to respect their time commitments and personal space and stuff. despite the boofs comments, rolling up to a chick with a beer and going "you and me babe, how bout it" probably doesnt work that well (although ive never tried it, maybe it does?? boof?? show us your harem).
the thing is that relationships are, well, relational. formulas dont work too well, but you gotta have somewhere to start. i agree with frenchy - communicate, and jodes - play it by ear. you gotta have a little bit of emotional intelligence to negotiate past first date, so you gotta be able make the plays as they are required - the speed of which is variable depending on the peeps involved. formulas dont work at this point. but you'll never know unless you go.
yep, true...it's important not to over analyze things, which can be so easily done! take a breather, relax and have fun, and if it doesn't work out, it may really be a downer at the time but Thank God for the experience anyway (which sounds cliche, but it actually works). No doubt, you will learn lessons along the way...and hey life is about learning!
nelson, mate, show me your "harem"... and in regards to the 3 pint rule - please note that it is more about that if it takes you 3 pints to be interested in someone then maybe you are better off to keep on drinking than to take up said oppurtunity as the lack of cognitive perception may cause one to do something one may regret... the b00f™ condones inebriation for the purpose of procreation!
And as far as the words "play" and "game" are concerned, may the b00f™ say that that might just be the problem... all peeps want to do is play games!
Furthermre from what the b00f™ has read in the bible, there was stuff-all (read NOTHING) re dating and that the frivolity regarding such, that our ungodly western culture has embedded into the souls of women world wide is from the pit of hell!
And Bryceo... the b00f™ agrees with your stance re the chocolate highway - HELL NO WE WONT GO!
relationships no matter who they are with take time and effort. My take is you reap what you sow.
If you sow intentional effort, time, space, listening vibes and all really good things then you will reap that. Same goes if you flip the scene.
Life is short and relationships are so essential, I'm making them good and worthy, not super spiro all the time. Lets enjoy the company of our friends. Eat drink and be merry....
For clarity sake I'm trying to be more intential with all my life. who and what I let into my world. a bit of boundry action, with room for risk.
Call this random but I really don't think I have head space for unintential people, seriously I can't be botherd. Maybe this is just me, maybe because it's monday. Or maybe truth has found a moment in cyber land.
What is wrong with being intentional??
Its just a decision. That I'm totally making in tiny steps.
I'm human
Seesh! I'm exhausted with all this - who started this anyway -what was she thinking? I guess 'she' was thinking this post might offer a few hints that was meant to be about helping to minimise the divide- not create a bigger one! So let's get nice everyone! We're big people right?
We all just gotta compromise a little and love a little more than that! Let's just say we all hang out! Movies - this friday, Luna leederville - 'Kenny' 6.45pm - email me to confirm the time... sweet?! Who's in!
Bringin it back to worship...
Proverbs 18:15
The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out.
Proverbs 23:12
Apply your heart to instruction and your ears to words of knowledge.
'b00f & bryce lost in the chocolate isle': Proverbs 20:1 "Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise."...See even God says beer causes fights! wink!
well beedy, personally i dont do the asking. im a little old fashioned like that. and as for the non church girls approaching guys more... why is it that non church guys approach girls more? i dont think its just the girls. i think its a church thing in general and its something that a lot of us are trying to change... hence the posts on being single and tips to asking out a girl well etc.
im all for dating, i think its fun and if nothing else you learn stuff about yourself, or just go home with a funny story for the girls, or...you may just find your match. bring it on! :)
oh and can we please stop talking about the chocolate highway... so not cool boof!
Welcome Beedy from the land-o-lurker! I think non-church people approach more in general... we all saw the nasty action happening at the Claremont the other night - oh wait you missed out! Liquid courage has it's side-effects fo shizzle ma nizzle!
P.S. Beedy - think you need to go put Jade to bed - it's way past her bed time!
Hola Kym! Interesting 3 day rule! I think, for some girls, at some circumstances, it works. Some girls find that they're valued this way. For some other girls, as much as it's a GOOD IDEA, I don't think it really matters. We can call this girls, the 'whatever works works' kinda girls. And I hope I'm representing some girls and not just myself.
We go for spontaneity. I think if on Monday a guy asks me to go on a date on Friday, I will have a whole 'what am I gonna wear' day on Tuesday, 'what is HE gonna wear' day on Wed, thinking too much in between, feel sick by Thurs and without a doubt couldn't wait to get over it soon. And I know you were only kidding about booking a stylist! but logically, does spontaneity mean less time for make-up etc? These WWW (whatever works works) girls would turn up in front of whoever is interested in dating them with however they look in the morning. So if he freaked out (and he better not), he freaks out at an early stage and that's good.
And Frenchieee, I think, MAYBE Indonesians are like French with this whole dating thing. Dating/going out doesn't mean anything to us. If a guy likes a girl, he would find out more about her (hanging out with a bunch of friends, talk to her, research her, stalk her) and if he likes her still, he would find the right time & place to 'shoot' her (not that we Indo girls are comparable to birds), and that means telling her how he feels and asking her if she wants to get into a gf-bf relationship with him.
And I know there are girls who hangs out with boys more than they hang out with girls. Pathetic I know but we think, we are officially blinded by the hints and signs a guy make. Hints and signs are not obvious enough.
This is officially the longest comment made by Eastjoker. I don't even know what I'm talking about, I just hope it made sense. Argue if you will, I'm not good at self-defense.
Oh Kym, the quality of El Rancho is up up. UP UP I said.
x
ok guys. I think we need to close this discussion before we jump to another topic. great post kymmie, you are on fire right now : two posts, many comments. It's just prove that people needs to be challenge more! great job
well i have finallly got a comment for this post!. i think bloolocks to this rule and any others.. i think people and relationships are so diverse that limiting ourselves to a rule or theory about how male-female relatioships work best or begin is largely restricting u from an amazing relationship that u could have with anonther.. like nelson said.. if it hadnt been for that walk he wouldnt have married the amazing woman he did.. if he had of followed some rule to govern his dating strategies he may have missed out on an opportunity.. i reckon a bit of planning is good and a little sponteniety is good too.. whatever works i say.. i say dont limit urself to relationships.. dont limit urself to a rule.. but at the end of the day my dear single friends, as much as we do wear this label about our marital status, this is not our true definition. In view of eternity, our current singleness is not very important. What is priceless is that we've been found by perfect love. Having been captured by perfect love, our hearts are His to keep and His to define. That's why we can joyfully accept this gift of grace in being single today!!.. Lets celebrate our singlehood and when the day comes that we find that special someone lets celebrate that time too!.. like Eccleciastes 3 says.. there's a time for everything!
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