Top 20 Chuck Norris Facts
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
2. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
3. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
6. Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
7. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
8. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
9. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
11. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
12. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
13. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn just needs to lie down.
14. Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
15. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
16. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
17.Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
18. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
19. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take crap from anybody.
20. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
2. A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
3. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
6. Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
7. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
8. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
9. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
11. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
12. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
13. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn just needs to lie down.
14. Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
15. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
16. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
17.Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
18. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
19. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take crap from anybody.
20. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
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2 comments:
HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA
brilliant Serg! my fav is #12.
HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA
It has also been said that Chuck is even deadlier than a fart in a lift. If Chuck has been to the John, wait at least 3 days before you go there or you will be overcome by the noxious gases... the pygmy jungle people call him the 'Stench that Walks'.
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